I struggled alone in Babyloss for 37 years! Can you even pathom that? It was a time when the death of a baby was a subject to put under the rug. For goodness sake, NEVER speak of the baby because well, it isn't polite! Did you know that? It was only whispered about. Once in a while I could talk about it when I was brave enough to say I had a son in Heaven.
I had my bridge group over a few months later after "it" happened, and out of the blue I burst out crying. I must have let my mind wandered and thoughts of my beautiful baby son trickled in. I tried to apologize through my sobs. No one knew what to say and the atmosphere grew thick. These young women were my good friends. They felt for me, but didn't know what to say. Who really does? I felt sorry for them at the same time wondering if they would want me to play bridge with them the next month. So life went on with ups and downs for the next 37 years. When my Rainbow Babies were born, I joined the "real" mother's club. You know, play groups, etc. I almost got away with no more bumps in the road, but babyloss just had to hit me one more time in 1982 when my daughter was stillborn. No earthly daughter for James and me. More suffering. I couldn't believe I was once more a grieving mother going down that gut-wrenching road of pain again.
It is funny weird, but when I was teaching school in 1986, computers were put into our classrooms. We had to learn technology. I thought to myself that these machines would never last! They would come and go! Oh how wrong I was! By 2008 computers ruled! I couldn't teach without them! I was sent to a state technology convention for educators and became so hooked on the latest techy stuff! Never did I dream it would lead me to all of you in blogworld, Twitter, and FB. YOU have moved me on to my new goals in life. Thanks to Finley's mom, I will be working with my local hospital in 2013. RaeAnne has taught me so much about what is needed in baskets and how to get the baskets accepted! I found October 15th this year. We celebrated our babies for the first time EVER! I began my own blog in November. So many friends I have NEVER met in person, now mean the world to me! Jamie's mom sent me a bear, Kaylea's mom so much support, and Charley's mom, my children's name written in the sand. James, Jr. and Reita Gale are KNOWN in the babyloss world! I speak of them, their names and you do too! I am so amazed! Even so much more important is that my babies have friends! YOUR children's names are spoken by James and myself often to each other in our conversations. I would rather my children be here with us, but I wasn't asked. I, like you, have had to mother from afar although I can feel them with me so often. You have taught me how to better "mother" my Heavenly babies. I believe they are the same, never growing up, but very smart in all things. Christian's mom, Carly is doing a fantastic job helping us all with her projects from Australia. My UK friends have given me a new language! I just figured out yesterday what a bauble was and I hope I spelled it correctly! Tree ornaments! Nappies are diapers! You beautiful young moms and mums have taken me in and helped me grieve "proper" and meaningful. My husband, James, is grateful for you also. Thank you for the "Shout it Out Loud!" I wish in my day of giving birth, pictures were taken in the hospital instead of hiding the stillborn baby. I want to get the money for a cooling cot for our local hospital so stillborn babies can stay with their mothers. I was only allowed to " look" at my son while in the hospital. I do have some momentos.....my pain meds bottle with my room # on it, my mother's bracelet from the hospital, and all the cards I received. James and I are so grateful that you have chosen to share your baby pictures with us. They take our breath away at how beautiful your babies are in their sleep!
Thank you for being our friends, reading my blog, supporting us and making us feel wanted. We have been alone in this journey way to long. We still miss our babies, but as you tell we made it through the darkness. I can promise that you will too. Right at this moment in our lives, we are enjoying the happiest times ever with our Rainbow Babies & grandbabies! We wish this for you too!
I do hope my blog will be read in the year of 2013 by that mother or father out there that suffered Babyloss during the time we did. It is NEVER to late for them to have their babies recognized and loved by the group none of us asked to belong to, the group of Babyloss.
May 2013 Be Gentle to Each of You and I Pray You Get Your Rainbow Babies,
James & Gale wishing kind days for you.