Thursday, December 27, 2012
Understanding Grief Is Timeless By James Collins, Sr.
Depending on which study you look at, around 25% of couples that lose a child end up in a divorce. We all handle grief differently and it's also so true that men and women are wired differently. As men, we all have that natural instinct to look after and protect our spouse. We are the ones that are suppose to "fix things", it's in our makeup. When we lost our son, James Collins Jr., we were both beyond grief and there was no "fix". In the beginning we shared our grief together, but as the time passed, I found myself hiding my grief more and more. There was nothing I could say or do to make it better. My Mom had been a nurse and witnessed many still births. The advice to me was to be strong and to help my wife "get over it". The less said the better and time would heal. HOW WRONG I WAS TO LISTEN TO THIS ADVICE MUCH LESS ALLOW IT TO GO ON! Maybe I was young and ignorant, but if any of you ever wanted to have a "do over" somewhere in life, this one is mine. I grieve for my son and my daughter and there are times I think about how they would look and what they would be doing. I have a strong belief that James Jr. would look very much like his younger brother. My daughter would be so special to me,my beautiful princess. For my wife that carried and felt the life of our children, I know she has a connection that is much stronger than mine. She has that special close bond and the longing for those that are not here that is reserved only for mothers. It's been 37 years and there is one thing I can tell you guys. Until the end of your time together understand her need to talk about, cry about, recognize those special dates, and let her know that you are there for her. I would like to thank all of you that have read and supported Gale with her blog. It's been 37 years but the support you have shown, the response you have given, and the understanding you have lovingly given has meant more to her than anything since our loss. To each of you on your baby loss I'm sorry and extend my heart felt sympathy....Sincerely James Collins Sr.