Monday, January 14, 2013

I Reached Bottom & Help Came

The night my husband didn't come home was a nightmare.  Just when I thought things just couldn't get any worse, they did. 

My SIL had her brought her newborn from across the state home to her parents.  My MIL wanted a get together so everyone could meet the newest addition to our famly.  I wouldn't go because I couldn't face seeing the baby in front of everyone.  My hubby went because I told him he should.  Just don't force me to go!  It was a night of tiffs and taffs.  My MIL wanted me there, hubby was caught in the middle.  When he didn't come home by 11:00, I called my in-laws house and my MIL said he wasn't there.  She also told me I should let him go.....divorce him so he could find someone else to marry that could give him children.  We would both be better off.  Words went down between her and myself.  We hung up and I dropped to my lowest point ever.  I loved my husband and he loved me.  Grief was having a field day with us.

If you remember from my earlier post, my doctor had told us I was infertile due to endometriosis.  We were going through the process of adoption when I became pregnant.  Then our son was stillborn at 9 months.  I had been on a roller coaster for the past year of you can't ever get pregnant, process of adopting, getting pregnant, stillbirth, intense grief, and each month finding out I wasn't pregnant.  It was killing my insides no matter how positive I tried to be.  Our name had been taken off the three year wait of adoption when I became pregnant, so to go that route again, we would have to start the whole process over to get back on the list.  I wasn't ready for that again.  I wanted to get pregnant again and now!

Out of the darkness of night, the phone rang.  I ran to answer it.  It was my twin sister.  James was there.  He had left the get together at his mom's soon after arriving and had driven an hour and a half to the country club in Washington on the Pamlico River where his parents kept their boat.  He stayed there and thought about our situation.  He then went to my twin sister's home there and talked with her and her husband. They were very sympathetic and let James talk his heart out.  I was so glad to hear this.  James would be coming home to me the next morning.  Things were going to be alright.  We had found our caring help. 

My twin and her husband made us their project.  They just took over and gave us help in every way possible.  Every Friday when school let out, I left to go to their home.  I was so welcomed!  They acted liked my arrival made their weekend!   Our ritual began. When I arrived on Friday's, we went to eat at this great seafood restaurant on the river.  It was good eating!  Then we would talk about James,Jr. until I was talked out.  They just let me pour out everything I needed to for hours. I mean they were so interested in our son and what James and I were going through. At last, someone who actually acknowledge our son!  They were so sad for us and really seemed to understand.  (James couldn't come until Saturday afternoon b/c his daddy always made him work on Saturday's)  Then the plan was that on Saturday's we did fun stuff and NOT concentrate on grief, but happy things.  The had a son who was two.  He was a handful and lots of fun!  I wasn't uncomfortable going into his nursery.  My sister just made it alright and comfortable.  I would give them a break and get up with him on Saturday's.  We always began the morning with eating a bowl of Apple Jacks!  Then we would go outside about 6:30 AM and play on his swingset.  I always enjoyed this special time with my nephew.  My sis would then cook up a great breakfast when they got up.  Yummy!  There was sunshine, fun, and love.  What a way to begin healing!  We all looked forward to Saturday afternoon when James came. His arrival was as special to them as mine was.  James found the warm greeting as healing as I did.    We would go to a movie on Saturday night or whatever.  We always enjoyed cooking a good steak on the grill.  We called it our "Charking out time!"   Time at their home was dedicated to us.  They always made the weekend all about us. It was the greatest feeling in the world.  We needed caring for and they did it.  My twin also was on a mission to help me find any and all information about getting pregnant again.  I truly think she was as disappointed as I was when each month I wasn't.  Sunday's were sad because we had to go back home and leave our "safe haven."  My sister called me every single day to see how I was doing during the week.  Even if I said things were okay, she would keep probing until I gave in and told her the truth if it was a bad day for me.  You might think a phone call from her wasn't that big of a deal.  It was.  Phone calls cost a lot of money per minute back in the 1970's.  Our husbands were "pretty good" about the phone bill!  No cell phones then!  No Skype or Facetime!  That would have been so wonderful!  My twin was so good to me and her husband was the best for James.  They became like real brothers.  Our friendship grew and deepened.  They picked us up off the floor of grief and babyloss and gave us healing.


  1. I'm literally sitting here smiling and tearing up at the same time, with joy for you! I'm so happy someone finally came through for you! With words other than "get over it"! ALOT of times people say they don't come around angel parents because lack of finding the right words but as we know, sometimes it's not about what you say to us, simply listening to us cry, speak our angels name to us, or even just letting us scream as loud as we want or just share the silence with us is good enough! Much love to you, Gale!

  2. Thanks Toni! Much love to you too, my dear Angel parent friend! :) HUGS TO YOU!