Once you have suffered the loss of a baby or babies, you are a member of a new club with lifetime membership, even if you have Rainbow Babies. Why? Because your angel babies are with you forever. You see them in the bright blue sky as well in the starlite sky. I see mine in the white puffy clouds as well as in the flowers, birds and butterflies fleeting around me. I smell my babies in Johnson & Johnson Baby Powder that I use everyday. Most of you are enduring the first raw year of loss. You will never ever forget this year, even when it eventually turns into Rainbow Baby Years. I am in my 38th year of babyloss. I not only have two Rainbow Babies, but three adorable grandchildren 2, 5, & 7. In them, I rejoice as I do when my grown Rainbow Babies call me mama or give me a big bear hug! However, I will always be a mother of babyloss first. I might add that I hold my grandchildren even closer and they are more precious to me. I love to hear them laugh and see them dance around. I love their messes and when they leave our home after a visit, I never wash their finger prints off of our big windows over-looking the water. James and I just marvel at their handprints. I think that is because we never had handprints of our baby James and Reita Gale. They are in their hospital files. Well, their footprints are. Today, baby files are under their mother's name so the mothers have access to them. When my babies were born, they had their own files and I can't get to them. I called the hospital where I gave birth to recently. I was told I could not have access to my own stillborn children's files because only they (babies who died, hello????) could have access. After going round and round and talking with the head of this department and that department, I just stopped trying...for the time being.
Some people might find it morbid or weird that I blog and tweet with babyloss mothers. I mean I have had 37 years to move on. You do move on for the most part, but that part of your heart and soul that holds the love for your angel baby or babies stays tucked safely within you forever. It is a warm place only you can feel and experience in your own way each day of your life. You also hold excitement there because you know you will get to see, hold, kiss and rejoice when you get to Heaven and your angel baby greets you along beside of Jesus. I know my parents and James' parents have met there grandchildren and have had this joy. While I enjoy my days here on Earth, don't cry for me when I die unless you cry with joy. I won't be crying. I will be dancing with my babies! Best of all, I won't be a member of the babyloss club anymore! I have tears as I write this! Hugs and love!