James Jr's First Birthday in Heaven

May 2nd arrived with James and I in a funk.  Our son had been in Heaven for one whole year now.  We made plans to just be together and honor him in our thoughts and words.  We planned a small dinner alone to remember.  How could a year have passed by already?  Yet, it was an agonizing year, which at the time seemed to dragged by coated by plenty of grief.  Of course, just as we expected, no one mentioned his birthday except my twin and her husband.  They remembered and wanted us to know they we were being thought of.  I was unhappy that my parents or James' parents did not mention their grandson's first birthday in Heaven or at least check on us to see if we were okay.  They never put anything on their grandson's grave and that hurt.

Once, a good friend of my SIL's had a stillborn grandson not too long after ours was born.  Well, you would have thought that the world had ended.  Everything stopped and was put on hold as my MIL, both SIL's and my FIL spent hours over at the home of the stillborn baby's family.  They made food galore and just sat to greet guest and talk.  We were told we should visit also as this was such a horrible thing that had happpened.  The mother and her mother were taking it very hard.  HELLO!  We were also taking our baby's death very hard!  Where was our family support?  To see them all make such a big deal over a friend's stillborn baby, and yet never mention ours just broke our hearts.  We felt we didn't matter at all.

 James and I , alone, grieved for our son on his birthday.  We were lost.  We hurt.  I went through my trunk of all of his little baby clothes and other things that were his.  I smelled them and cried, even though  outside my open window the birds were chirping.

We love you so much, our sweet baby boy angel.