James,Jr's first angel birthday was over. I wasn't pregnant with a Rainbow Baby. I had been through that first year of raw pain and deep grief, no other baby in sight, and I was growing older than my years with loneliness and yearning. I had to do something different. I decided to put away my maternity clothes and my "just in case" clothes. I went on a shopping spree for summer clothes. I felt like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman." I tried on everything and bought everything I liked! It was a break away from the gloom and grieving this 25 year old girl had been experiencing for a little over a year. I was NOT forgetting my son, but I had to move on. I walked down the main street of town ( no malls buit yet!) with my packages swinging! James and I were going to South Carolina in June for his good friend's wedding where he would be a groomsman. I wanted to be ready for a weekend of a new beginning, a weekend without grief hovering over me. On the way home from my shopping spree, I turned up the radio and sang along with the hit tunes. I was trying to get some optimism in my life! Then, without warning, a new Paul Anka song came on the radio. I had never heard a song like this before. It was called, "Having My Baby!" It seems that P. Anka's wife was pregnant with their baby and he had written a song to show his love for her carrying his child. I was horrified! How old were they anyway? Didn't they already have a mansion full of children? Immediately I was back in the dumps again. I couldn't give my husband a baby and this song was blaring over the radio! This is on You Tube now. I just listened to it again after 37 years and it still made me shutter. How many knives were going to stick into my heart and twist before I could ever have some peace?
June 21, 1976 came. We were in SC at the wedding. There was plenty of partying going on! We had a ball that weekend! It was fun, exhilerating and feeling young and free!
July came. I had to go away for a week to Meredith College to a Reading Workshop. A group of us from our school where I taught went. After class, I drove us to the big new Crabtree Mall in Raleigh. While others shopped for clothes or school items, I shopped the book stores for any book I could get my hands on about getting pregnant. I came home with many books. The gals and I celebrated my 26th birthday while we were in Raleigh that week. Here I was, 26 and no baby.
But something else began to occupy my mind that hot July. I noticed that my period was late. Once more, it kept right on being late! Could it be? I had been to the doctor's office for so many pregnancy test the past few months that I was embarrassed to go for another one. There were no home pregnancy test to do. So, I went to my sister's in Washington to have a test done! When I got there, the nurse told me to pee into a jar. I COULDN'T GO I WAS SO NERVOUS! She said honey if you can just give me a drop or two I can do the test. I couldn't! My sister and I went to buy me a Coke to drink! I drank it and back to the doctor's office we went. Nothing like everybody waiting for you to pee! I finally mustard a few drops! Enough! The test was done and I was PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody was crying for joy! I had to get to a phone to call James! He was over the roof with happiness! I told him not to tell a soul until I got back home. I drove the hour and a half drive back home on cloud 9! There was a baby growing inside of me! I was pregnant!!!! What joy! The tears of happiness were pouring! I could hardly soak it all in. My life was changing once more. Guess what? By the timeI got home James had told everybody he saw!!! Can you blame him???? I was so happy that I immediately put up my shopping spree clothes and proudly put on my maternity clothes again! I wasn't showing, but I was pregnant and that's all the reason I needed to wear them again! Oh happy July! Our baby was due March 19th, 1977!