Jesus was born into this world for us so in the midst of suffering and evil we would have hope! Hope for a way out of this mess on earth! God let His only Son be born into this world knowing he would die an agonizing death for us so we might have life ever lasting in Heaven!
This knowledge made me ever so much more thankful my first Christmas without my baby son, James Collins, Jr. Because of Christmas my son wasn't in death's grip. He was alive in Heaven! I would get to see him again one day. My hope! My child had not just disappeared into the ground for nothing. I did not carry him in my womb for 9 months for nothing. James Collins was alive and with our Lord & Savior! Thank you Jesus! Thank you God for your plan of salvation for us all!
This does not mean I wasn't heavy hearted that Christmas of 1975. Yes, I cried buckets. I wanted more than anything to be celebrating under the tree with our would be 7 month old baby boy. Yes, we did put up a tree. I ached for him all over! I was envious of those who did have their children to celebrate the season with. That was my human side. Oh, I hurt that Christmas. I still hurt today. We will celebrate Christmas with our grown Rainbow Sons, one which is married and has given us three adorable grandchildren. We will enjoy our friends this Christmas. Only myself and James will realize what will be missing. The extra laughing from our James Collins, Jr and our only daughter, Reita Gale. James Jr. would be 37 years old this Christmas. Reita Gale would be 30 years old. Most likely, there would be more grandchildren looking forward to a visit from Santa this year. I'll think of that Christmas. How could I not? But I will also be grateful that they are alive and having Christmas in Heaven. They are not gone from me forever.
I would be lying if I said that I am grateful that it is not that first Christmas of 1975 and the Christmas of 1982. I remember James and I shopping for toys for our sons who were then 7 and 2 years old. As we went into the store in Richmond, VA to shop for their Christmas toys, we came to the little girl's section first. Both of our eyes hit the baby dolls at the same time. Right there in the middle of the store, we both held each other and wept uncontrollable sobs. We were a mess to say the least. After letting the sobs do their job, we pulled ourselves together and shopped for our sons. How do you ever forget a scene like that? You don't. You somehow get through the minutes and continue on.
That is how we have made it this far. Second by second, minute by minute, and day by day. In our case, year by year.
We hear your cries, those of you experiencing your first Christmas without your baby or babies. This year, after meeting you through my blogging, we hear you even louder. Our hearts are sad for you. In fact, we truly hurt for you.
Blessings and hugs....so many hugs going out to each and everyone of you hurting.
James & Gale Fitts (@Fittise)