Thursday, December 6, 2012

Physical and Emotional Trauma Day Three After James, Jr.'s Birth

James and I came back to his parents' home after he took me to our son's grave.  I went straight upstairs without acknowledging them.  They knew I was extremely upset about being kept from my son's funeral and I THINK my MIL knew she had done wrong in making that decision for she wasn't.  At the moment I hated her. I had never been impolite to them before now.  I had been married to her son for 5 years and had always loved her, but in this moment I hated her.  I was so full of grief for losing my first born son over something as stupid as a knot in his cord!  A stupid knot!  Grief set in big time.  I didn't want to eat, couldn't sleep at night, just stared at the four walls because the curtains were drawn.  I didn't talk to anyone but James.  Leave me alone in my grief because you don't get it! 
But oh no!  My MIL decides for the first ever to throw James a birthday party the day after our son was buried!   She invited James' brother and his wife, who had not spoken to me since my baby had died.  JA and I had never gotten along from day one. JA didn't even like the other SIL in the family.  She had told James after we were married that she didn't like me.  Soon the feeling became mutual.  I think she wanted my MIL for herself.  She also invited my other SIL I'll call AW whom I had always been great friends with, until she walked into my hospital room announcing she was pregnant.  So here was a celebration of my MIL's son's birth the day after his own son had been buried.  Did she once think about how James might of felt about this?  How about me?  A party.....Really????  Get real!  I was greatly pressured to go downstairs to the dining room, sit across from the SIL from hell and my prego SIL.  Everyone talked about life as though I were not in the room.  A big beautiful cake was brought out to James with real flowers decorating the ones on white icing.  James blew out all 25 candles.  I excused myself saying the chair was too hard for my sore bottom.  I went back upstairs, took pain pills and I think I slept 'til the morning.
Ahhhhhh......the next morning.  The maid came bursting in my room.  James was gone to work.  Oh yes!  His mother had said he needed to go to work to get things off of his mind and leave me to her.  He left and I don't recall seeing him leave.  I was brought breakfast in bed.  Never touched it.  I was in horrible pain!  My milk had come in even though I had been given a shot to dry it up.  It was just pouring out and no baby for it.  I cried.  I was so swollen from the trauma to my body that I couldn't pee.  I was in agony!!!  I had to get into a warm tub for some relief.  My body looked horrible....still pregnant looking, big milky boobs and I wanted some privacy.   Charging in the bathroom  without knocking (no lock on the door) was AW, the prego SIL.  She looked at me and said how awful I looked and was that what pregnancy did to your body!  Get out!!!  My breast were bound and I had to be helped out of the tub.  Ladies, I was bad off.  My stitches hurt.  My heart hurt.
My emotions were all over the place.  I got back into bed.  Please help me my dear God.  Oh Jesus, please take care of my baby.  I know how much you love the little children. 
By then, company started arriving.  First, Marshall, our minister for forever.  I was suppose to walk down the stairs to see him.  I said no way.  If he wanted to see me, he was welcome to come upstairs.  It wasn't as though the house wasn't clean and just so beautifully decorated as my in-laws were well off.  No, my MIL insisted I go downstairs.  Now this going up and down the stairs from the woman who said I wasn't well enough to go to my own son's funeral?  How was it that I was all of a sudden miraculously cured???  My morning was going rough physically as it was and I did not go downstairs.  The minister left.  MIL was livid!  I just closed my eyes, turned over and closed my tearing eyes.  My MIL had not even mentioned my loss to me... just a get over it attitude.  That night, she asked james to try to talk some sense into me.  I just wondered what her neighbors and friends would think of her now, but she kept these things privately and so did I, until now, 37 years later.


  1. I'm so glad you are talking about this! I hope your MIL somehow feels some remorse for treating you so horribly! I hope you find some relief by telling your story! It helps me to tell mine! Love to you, Gail!!

    1. It is helping me to write about this. My MIL has since passed away. We never did talk about my loss. I have come to realize that she just didn't want or maybe couldn't deal with what I HAD to deal with. Before she died, we became very close and loved each other dearly. I know she is being a grandmother in Heaven. Time healed me, but I just can't forget the trauma she put me through.

  2. Aww! Well like you said she's probably in Heaven being a grandmother now! I'm glad the two of you grew close! I think, personally, it would've been hard for me to be close unless she offered an explanation for her actions. Or atleast apologized to me. Love to you, Gale!!

  3. Trust me, it was very hard! If you continue to follow my blog, you will how I fell into Post Traumatic Syndrone.