Saturday, May 25, 2013

She Made Me Her Mother

  I held her. I touched her tiny nose, and put her hand in mine.  I examined every inch of her 1 lb 4oz body.  She fit inside both of my hands.  She was a shade of red.  Her eyes were closed and her cheeks scrunched towards her mouth as both were expressing pain.  Don't anyone ever tell me a child in their 20th week of gestation doesn't feel pain, because she very clearly did.  But I held her and tried to soothe the pain away.  She had already left this body of hers made up of my DNA and her daddy's.  She was already in Heaven in the presence of her Heavenly Father.  I wonder if she had time to look down at her earthly parents as they caressed her body.  My body had been her home for the past 20 weeks.  Did she remember my heartbeat as I remembered her kicks?  Did she know about my tears and broken heart?  Tell me, how does one hold a tiny miracle like her, plan her funeral, stand by her grave and then go on with life as usual?   Just how can a mother do that?  She was and is my daughter.  I'll always remember the nurse bringing her to my room so James and I could be with her.  I'll never forget how she felt or looked.  She wasn't cold.  She was still warm from my body heat and then the warm blanket.  We did a life time of loving her that Memorial Day Weekend.  I birthed her, held her, memorized her, let my salty tears fall on her body and blanket, then gave her back to a nurse that I never even knew the name of.  I handed my tiny Reita Gale in all reality back to the One who made her perfectly in my womb.  I'll never understand why my daughter that I just knew the entire 20 weeks was really a daughter, was to live within me for 20 short weeks and then go back to Heaven.  God has a reason for everything.  There was one for her.  I don't know what it was or is,  but I do trust God.  I'm sure she is just fine and with her older brother.  Was it so I could see how precious life is even at 20 weeks?  I just can't believe that because of having a stillborn son already.  For the time being, I can say this by fact.  She made me the mother of a daughter.  I have my three sons (one in Heaven) and my one and only daughter, who lives in Heaven.
Everyone!  I am the mother of a daughter!  One blessed day, we shall dance in Heaven together!


Here I am with my rainbow, Taylor, and Reita Gale is obviously growing very well within me.
Burying Reita Gale beside her brother, James Collins Fitts, Jr

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