I hope somebody out there understands me. I am not trying to be picky or mean, really. I feel really horrible about even bringing this up except that it bothers me. I have be going over this in my mind and can't come to terms with my problem yet. I feel so selfish for even having this bother me in the first place.
You see, two weeks ago my brother's 49 year old son died suddenly from an aneurysm. I cried when my brother told me because I knew the pain he was feeling ad would be feeling forever. I just hurt so much for him and his wife and other children. He lives several hours away from me, so I got up with two of my sisters to ride with to go right away to be with our brother. We met our other sister there.
Throughout the time we were together, the conversation of course turned to our brother and his wife coping with this loss. My sisters appeared to have all of the answers or suggested answers as to how things would be. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable being around them. I felt like one of them might say, "Well Gale, I'm sure you have some idea what it might be like for them since you lost your son too." It never entered their minds. To them, my loss was so insignificant compared to losing a child you had for 49 years. I know they meant no harm to me. Also, know two deaths are exactly alike. However, I DO know what its like to lose a child! I suddenly, just went very quiet. I went into a funk. I couldn't have spoken if someone was going to give me a million bucks to do so. Later that , night as my twin and I were changing for bed, I said something to her about it. I told her my feelings had been hurt. She gave me a look as to say, "Please, not your babies again!" I moved onto another subject because I knew I was being misunderstood.
So here is a touchy subject. What I wouldn't have given to have had James Collins or Reita Gale for 49 years before I had to face grief! Look at all the wonderful memories and pictures and videos they have of their son? The church was packed with people standing outside! What a tribute! His sister got up and had such wonderful words to share about the wonderful times she had with her brother. Now I know they are all suffering for their loss. You and I both know about that. They might learn to live with this in time, but they will never get over it. They can find comfort in their memories and speaking with friends who were close to their son. Friends who miss him also. They will be allowed to speak freely about their son. So I ask without expecting any response, if given the choice, would you want your child born dead or have 49 years with your child before death?
I wasn't given the choice nor were they, so I guess an answer isn't important.
I would like an honest opinion. Should I have kept this buried inside or blogged about it?