Much of me died when James Collins, Jr. was stillborn. I had no desire to do anything including breathing. It hurt too much to live. The pain was so physical as well as emotional. Months dragged by. One day seemed to last 48 hours instead of the normal 24. Sleep? What was that? I cried so much and I just plain hurt all over. When would this pain ever stop? There are no words for how much it hurt. My baby son was dead and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I felt so helpless. I NEEDED a baby to love and care for, so we tried for another baby as soon as the doctor said we could. This baby would never replace James Collins, but I was ready to have my second child. Nothing ever happened month after month. Each disappointment was like James Collins dying all over again. My body was failing me. I didn't want to be around pregnant women not because I wasn't happy for them, but because I wanted to be pregnant so badly too. I had two pregnant sister-in-laws at the time. Our only other option in 1975 was to adopt. If that was the route I needed to go to have my baby then alright. White girls were aborting their babies in the US. There was a real shortage of these babies for adoption. On the news every night the talk was about women's right to have abortions. I tried to get to these women in every way I knew how, because I wanted their baby to raise and give a good home to! Just don't throw these growing babies away! Please give me one! I was so upset that I couldn't get one. Just one! Finally, in June of 1976, I did get pregnant, which I didn't know about into July. My rainbow would be born the next March 22, 1977. I felt so lucky and blessed when he arrive very safely.
I had friends who had been trying and were not getting pregnant. They needed these babies to adopt who were being aborted! I was and still am so against abortion. However, abortion was popular then. The "in thing for women's rights." Well, why everyone was burning their bras, experimenting with drugs, and demonstrating, I didn't. I was only interested in finishing my education even though James and I married before we graduated from college. I think the Viet Nam war had a lot to do with this "live and let live movement." I'm not sure. But many were not letting the babies live! With time, it became even more popular! It was more of a convenience to have an abortion or I don't want mama and daddy to find out. Just guessing. The pill was being given out at every college! Take the pill to prevent pregnancy in the first place so you won't have to have an abortion! One person's inconvenience is another persons joy!
Today it has become "no big deal" to have a baby out of wedlock. No one really thinks twice about it. So this makes me wonder why so many abortions? Why? I just don't understand. I know of one woman who prayed to God to make her son's girlfriend "lose the baby" when the pregnant girlfriend chose not to have an abortion. Tell me, what kind of person prays to God to take a life? This grandmother to be, never told a soul she was going to be a grandmother because she kept praying and hoping to the very end that something would be wrong with the baby and it would die or be stillborn Who does that? Could a Christian do that? Was the embarrassment of having a grandchild out of wedlock be so bad that it would be better if the precious baby died or be inflicted with a birth defect?
Better be careful what you pray for. God has his ways.
No one has the right to make abortion seem like the right thing to do. Killing a growing baby is never right. Praying asking God to kill what He has created is never right either. A person with loving feelings never forgets their baby. If you do or can forget about it and not feel guilty you must believe killing a baby is all right. There is always another way out, another choice. Give God a chance to show you. If you are sorry for having an abortion or encouraging someone to, then just pray for forgiveness and give God a chance to have mercy on your soul and show you His love. God forgives when we admit our mistakes and sins and sets us free through His son Jesus Christ. Find His freedom and the glory of His promises to us if we just obey Him!