The Elusive Butterfly

Summer is always full of butterflies around here.  I waited all winter to see them fluttering around again this summer, but I haven't seen any this year.  I have looked and waited, but they aren't around me.  It is so disappointing especially after such a winter of awareness and discovery with all of you, my baby loss friends.  Maybe it is all of the rain we have had this summer.  One minute the skies are dark and rain comes.  The next it is sunny, but the clouds of rain are still in the sky despite the sun. Sounds like grief doesn't it?  My heart has been experiencing more sun in it than clouds recently.  There is more understanding of why I had no support system.  There has been forgiveness and relief.
I'd love to see some butterflies reflect my feelings.

I live by the sea.  The skies are open to me everyday.  It doesn't matter if I am inside washing dishes or outside, the skies are wide open in my sight.  I search for heart clouds.  I have never seen one of those either.  The summer isn't over yet.  There will be clouds to always search just as I will always look for signs from my James Collins and Reita Gale.

I look for you too.  For me, after the loss of my babies, my heart has broken for all of our babies gone too soon.  While my life goes on in its direction, I will always keep you and your babies tucked in my thoughts.

I hope before the summer is over, I will see many butterflies some for me and some for you and perhaps a group playing together.