Saturday, February 9, 2013

I Need To Rant About Grief!

I can't post about myself right now, because there are way too many of you with fresh hurt, fresh grief and I hurt so much for you.  I want to stop your hurting for you.  Even though I have loss two children to stillbirth, I can't do your grieving for you.  I wish this part of babyloss could be skipped.  I wish babyloss could be skipped.  I am reading so many blogs everyday full of grieving mothers and fathers.   Grief is lonely.  The hurt is lonely.  The endless days and nights you endure with soul wrenching hurt is your walk.  I can walk it with you from cyberspace, but I want to hug each one of you and talk forever about your lost babies.  I can feel your heavy hearts, your cries, your anger, your frustration, your desperate need to hold your babies, your hope for a rainbow baby.  Yes, your baby needs a brother or sister for your sake.  It isn't fair, what you are going through.  But it happened to you and there way out.  No cure for your grief.  The only hope I can give you is that it will get better, I promise.  I was one of those "really bad cases."  I wanted to die so I could be with my son.  For times to get better, you still have to grieve first.  I will be glad when your first raw experiences of grief is over.  It consumes you.

When this happened to me, I wouldn't have wished this suffering on my worse enemy.  You have become my babyloss friend.  I am sorry we are friends under these circumstances.  More sorry than you probably realize.  I thought after 37 years, progress would have been made in babyloss.  I see it hasn't really.  I do see better after taken, cold cots for longer time with your babies.  BUT WHAT WE NEED IS PREVENTION!!  RESEARCH!  BETTER THIRD TRIMESTER CARE!  Stop the babyloss and the grief won't happen in the first place. 

Do we need to gather and rally for better pregnancy care?  We have to stop this maddness!  Every woman who wants to become a mother should have the chance with a happy ending.  The UK appears to have it together as to close support groups and getting petitions signed.  I am at a loss as to what is going on in the USA.  I think we are really far behind.

I don't want to just try to help you grieve, I want to stop your need for grieving in the first place.


  1. Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine going through loss without the online world of support, let alone twice. Your wisdom is much needed in the loss community.
    I lost my son Corbin two years ago this May to heart defects. I agree with your statement: there needs to be better care to prevent loss in the first place!
    Feel free to read more about Corbin at:
    I am now following. Nice to "meet" you!

  2. Thank you for reading my blog! I am glad to share if it can help. I am so sorry for your loss. I am looking forward to reading about your precious Corbin.

  3. It's a travesty in the US! Here, if women have lost babies, they don't talk about it! They have so much in the UK for grieving parents but here, nothing! This has to stop! I say everyday that if I had to do it over I'd do a million things different. I'd take a million pictures of Kaylea, I would've dressed her, bathed her! I wasn't told what I could do. It's up to the doctors to educate mothers who have to have stillborn babies! Doctors need to be educated on how to be more compassionate to grieving mothers! We don't get to carry our babies home for years of memories! Our memories are confined to hospital rooms under the care of a doctor! They should help us make lasting memories, instead they don't tell us what we can do to make memories and leave us with even more regrets! It's appalling, really! Education is key and it's up to us to get the word out and I'll spend my life doing just that! If I can spare one couple the pain of a stillbirth, I will die happy!