My Mother's Day Project Pictures

Here are the pictures from the alternative Mother's Project I held.  As I decided not to release the seven dozen balloons into our environment, I made a big Mother's Day Card with all of our angel's names on it by the Atlantic Ocean on the Southern Outer Banks of North Carolina.  I hope you enjoy the photos.  I hope Mother's Day was kind to each of you remembering your angels.  Hugs....



                                                                    

  
                                                 My heart goes out to each of you..
                                                              I understand....       

 

 

The card from a distance with page one of names.

 

Page One of Names and Dates

 

Close up of your Angel's Names....there are several close-ups of page one first

 

 

Another close up of page one....

Another close-up of page one of names....

 

 

Yes, you are still a Mother!!!

 

Page One

 

Page One

 

 

Card Two

 

 

 

                                                  Close-up of Card Two Names

                                                                  

 

 

 

 

Another close-up of Card Two Angel Names

 

Card Two Close-Up

 

Card Two Close-Up

 

 

Card Two Entire Page

 

 

A yacht passes by to watch....

 

 

Peace be with each of you....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warning!

It hurts so deep into your heart and soul to lose a child.  I was so close with James Collins, Jr.  I could of least held him if it had been allowed back then.  Who has the right to make decisions about your very own child?  You would think the mother, but not in my case.  I was so young and naive.  I let others dictate and make decisions that were mine to make.  It make me want to vomit.

But I was given a chance to have two wonderful rainbow sons.  This time it was me making the decisions. I was blessed to have the honor of raising two sons and I was going to make the most of it.  Even though I missed my first born son deeply, I did take on the role of a rainbow mom very seriously and with joy!  I was so thrilled to be  able to mother a live baby!  Then two!  I probably over did the mothering thing and was very protective.  These were my special treasures God allowed me to mother on earth.  I killed me to lose their sister later on.  I am positive they would have been wonderful "big brothers" to her.

When I lost my second and last child, I had to  grieve quicker and get on with the job of parenting my two sons with me.  Warning:  Love and grieve over your lost baby or babies, but don't forget your living children.  I held back until after my sons had left home until I reached out to the baby loss community for help.  Wow!  The help I have received has been amazing!  It has opened up so much and resolved many unanswered questions.  It has been a time of real "shouting out" and "bringing out" so many feelings that had been locked away.

I believe I now have a healthy attitude toward my children in Heaven and my children and grandchildren on earth.  I know there is a right blending of the two.  My baby loss community and my family has helped me realize this.  They have more understanding now as adults.  It has helped tremendously!

I am looking forward to spending quality time with my sons, DIL, and my three wonderful little blessings called grandchildren this summer.

I won't forget my daughter on May 31st  though.  I want her to have the same opportunity James Collins, Jr had.  I want her to be remembered on her birthday.  It will be special.

I will always think of my loss.  I will feel them close by as I always have.  I will blow them sweet kisses at night.  I will feel them in the breeze and when I see a butterfly. I will not hide them!  I will meet them in heaven after I have finished my job on earth God gave me.......being a mother to the children I have here and a Grammy to my little sweethearts.  I will rest in the peace of knowing their Father in Heaven is holding them for me.

Sometimes Just Ask

The anxiety started in April.  May 2 was around the corner.  James Collins, Jr's angelversary.  Knots began turning in my gut.  I became weepy.  I was remembering May 2, 1975 and all of the May 2nd's I had lived through.  Mother's Day would be a week after May 2nd.  I would finish up the month on May 31st with Reita Gale's angelversary.  She was buried on June 3rd.  I was beginning to smell those days of salty tears, sterile hospital delivery rooms, salty tears, and freshly turned dirt.

I decided this year I would take some control in a situation I have never had any control in.  I became proactive.  In all of my life I never thought I would plan an online birthday celebration for my son, but I did.  Check, smart idea!  You carried us by every second of the day.

I also decided to write and email my family asking them to participate in James Collins, Jr and Reita Gale's angelversaries with us.  I told my family what the dates meant to us what made me think of my children, and that I needed them just to write their names on anything and email it to us or mail it.
Would they call me crazy or come through?  I anxiously waited.  I was very nervous.

First, I had a very nice email come to me from one family member.  It was followed by two wonderful photos sent to me via email by another.  It was happening!  They were responding and writing my babies' names down!  Next, I got a messaged a Bible verse and my babies names written!
I received two packages the day before Mother's Day.   One was a copy of two pages from a children's book for my babies.  The other held three paintings which blew me away!  I had forgotten what an artist my sister was!  I have 5 siblings and everyone of them sent me something from their heart.  It means so much to me that they each, in their unique way thought of my James Collins, Jr and my Reita Gale.  I was elated and so very thankful for their remembrances.  My love for them is endless.

Wouldn't you know that I lost one of the pictures sent to me that I downloaded?  It was James Collins name written down and a candle lit glowing by it.  I loved that picture and hope it just pops up from wherever it is hiding!

Here are some of the items my sisters gave me.  My heart is full!

                                      A beautiful cloud with Reita Gale's name pretty in pink!
                                               

                                                                              

 

Pink tulips, a ladybug, and butterflies for Reita Gale

I like the way my sister painted this for Reita Gale and said it was from her Aunt Judy.

It showed me that she thinks of Reita Gale as her niece.

 

Isn't this painted butterfly just beautiful?

Blue kites flying high in the clouds for James Collins Jr.

 

 

The details!  The butterfly looks like he wants to say something!

 

I still can't believe my sister painted this!  She always has something up her sleeve!

See my daughter's name?

 

See my son's name?

 

 

A beautiful page from a children's book mailed to me by another sister! 

 

You Held Us Through The Day

There are no words to express my sincere thanks to the babyloss family for getting me through yesterday.  James was so touched by your kindness also.  It was the best May 2 we have ever experienced since the death of James Collins, Jr.  We owe it all to you!

Yesterday was cloudy, rainy, and windy.  Ugh!  Our plans for a picnic on the beach and releasing a balloon for our son was not going to work out.  Darkness starting up to hang over the day.... no it didn't stay long at all.  The moment I turned on my computer, all of you were there waiting for us like a surprise birthday party!  There were so many nice words of encouragement to wake up to!  You stayed with me all day long!  You never left me alone to fall and stumble.  Of course I had to show James all of the nice words and pictures, graphics, the sunrise, the tulips, the painting, the poem, name in the sand, two bears on the way, another package on the way, and I just can't put it all down because I would be here all day writing!  I was so impressed that you showed me details of what reminds me of my baby son....kites, blue, yellow, butterflies, dragonflies, the birds singing!  How nice all of you are!  I do think everyone got a kick out of Catherine M's photo's of the LED tea lights in the precious delicate holders she made!  She put the photo's on FB because she was afraid I wouldn't get them on time.  Then James walked in with a package from the UK!  You all followed as I posted each step of "ripping off the paper now," and then exclaiming as I opened each one of the gifts at a time online! It was just so cool opening that package with all of you right there with me!  Thank you Catherine!  You had them delivered right on time!  It was a highlight of the day!  Everyone got to enjoy your gift!  The ironic thing was that Catherine wasn't online herself at that moment to enjoy it with us, but she got to see all of the commotion and comments!

Even though the day was gloomy outside, you kept us warm and fuzzy inside. You wouldn't let us go.  You held us through the day, from the moment of wake up til bedtime.  How can I ever thank you?
  
For those of you not on Facebook here is a sample of what kept us going....wish I could published all of your comments too!      Go to You Tube and listen to "Precious Child" by Karen Taylor Good for me and for ALL of our babies.  http://youtube/3c_UOctrJDo.  Do it now!!!  HUGS!!!!! 
                                                                          

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wish I could put them all in this blog, but I can't!  I am working on a project to my favorite song in the world, Precious Child, as sung by Karen Taylor Good.  I want to include pictures and graphics there.

 

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Melt Down In Wal-Mart

I got up this morning with a "to do list" a mile long.  I rushed and was on my way to Wal-Mart by 8:00.  I had my list to go by and would be out soon.  It didn't work out that way.  I got caught up in the crafts section and started browsing through the neat craft ideas.  Then the cool Wilton baking section caught my eye!  So many ways to decorate a cake!  I have two cakes to bake this week.  James Collins, Jr's birthday is tomorrow, May 2nd,  while James' is the 4th.  I was taking too long looking and couldn't make a decision of what to buy.  I was also tired because I just haven't been getting enough sleep lately.  Then this woman just started yelling at her toddler to shut-up.  The child wasn't even whining that I could hear.  The loud voice of the mother continued, while I was trying to concentrate on what to buy to decorate James Collins, Jr's Angel Birthday cake with.  All of a sudden tears began falling down my face.  Why couldn't this woman just be happy that she had her child with her and handle it without yelling so everyone in the store could hear her?  After one more yell, I headed over to where she was to plead with her to please stop.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  The negative vibes were more than I could take.  I thought she was one aisle over according to her screaming.  As I got to the end of my aisle to find her, a Wal-Mart employee showed up to see what was going on.  She too was tired of it.  I just looked at her with my tears coming down.  With a sympathetic look from her, I knew she would take care of it.  I don't know what happened because I never saw the lady or child or heard her screaming again.
My head was hurting by now and my eyes were too, so I just left without buying a thing.  What a way to start the day.  Where's the Advil?