Why We didn't Have Our Last Baby

James and I always wanted three children running around the house.  We talked about it many times after we were engaged.  When we both had graduated from college and our careers established, we knew it was time to start our family.  We knew we would have our three children.  I would give up teaching to become a housewife and mother.  All of our planning and hard work was going to pay off.  We were ready to begin our family.

So, if you have been keeping up with my blog, you know by now that our plans fell apart.  Right away we joined the "infertile" club.  After dealing with that and starting the adoption process, we joined the pregnancy club.  Then the devastating blow of the "babyloss club."  James Collins Fitts, Jr was stillborn at full term May 2, 1975 due to a double knot in his cord.  He was such a beautiful baby at 7lbs 14 oz.  We were not allowed to touch him until the funeral home had  prepared him for burial.  We joined the never ending grief world.  March 22, 1977, we joined the "Rainbow Baby club."  In fact, our rainbow baby will be 36 years old next week.  It blows my mind how quickly he grew up.  August 27th, 1980 we had our 2nd rainbow baby.  Then in February of 1982 I miscarried not knowing I was carrying twins.  I had an early miscarriage of just one of the twins.  My pregnancy continued on.  I was due in October, but our only daughter, Reita Gale Fitts, was stillborn On May 31st, 1982 due to a twisted cord.  She was a doll baby perfectly and wonderfully made weighing in at only 1 lb and 4 oz.  We were allowed to hold her and have her in my hospital room.  We marveled over her and then we buried her.

We started out pregnant when I was 24 in 1974 and through 1982 we have had two live births, 2 stillbirths and 1 miscarriage.  We loved our boys so much and probably spoiled them growing up way too much....nah.  But we still kept our dream alive of having 3 children running around the house, so we kept on trying for that 3rd live birth.  I was 32 by now.  We tried.  We each saw the doctor.  Why wasn't I getting pregnant again?  I had always suffered from endometriosis which is why I was diagnosed infertile in the first place.  It was playing with my body again is all that I could reason was the problem.  Then I remembered the doctor changing his mind about giving me the D&C when all of the placenta didn't release after Reita Gale's birth.  I had always known I should have had that operation!  Nothing had been right with my body since!  I suggested this to my doctor.  He just blew it off.  My youngest was now 5 years old.  It was now or never for me to conceive again.  My body had gone wild being off schedule.  It had never been like this in my life, ever!

Then the doctor strongly advised me to have the BIG "O."  It was May 1986.....notice the month of May coming up once more???  I needed to have a hysterectomy.  May was when my first child had been born.  May was when my last baby was born.  Now, May would be the month when all hopes of ever having another child would be buried. 

The month of May is when life blooms in nature.  The world is so beautiful with life.  May had always taken life from me.  I had no idea that years later May would come to life for me again with the birth of my first granddaughter!  May 25, 2005!  Celebrating life in May once more!  Wouldn't you know, my first grandchild was a beautiful granddaughter!