I remember so vividly the Easter of 1975. That Easter I was pregnant with my firstborn son, James Collins, Jr. It was a glorious Easter Sunday! The entire Fitts family was seated in the old sanctuary of Rosemary Baptist Church. While seated my mind wandered to my younger years while I was still at home with my parents, brother and sisters. Mama would get a kick out of dressing all of her herd of children up for Easter, corsages included, and sitting in the First Christian Church where we all grew up. Tears filled my eyes as I could picture them in church, probably singing the same hymns I would be singing. I missed that. I knew we were all in a church somewhere celebrating Easter! Next Easter I would join them with my one year old!
My mind returned to everyone rising to sing the opening song. While we were standing singing ,Christ The Lord Is Risen Today, my hymnal was resting on my belly. James Collins, Jr would kick it. While it hurt, it was also a great feeling too! I was wearing a big yellow dress my MIL made for me just for Easter. I was so big and felt like an Easter egg myself! I did have that glow! This was the season of life and I would join in by giving birth soon. How could it get any better?
It didn't. The last week in April my baby stopped moving. The doctor could not get a heartbeat. I delivered my most precious first baby, my son as a stillbirth on May 2. The world I had known would change forever. Grief immediately aged me beyond my 24 years. My mind returned to Easter. This time, I saw Easter in a completely different light.
God watched from Heaven as His only Son suffered after riding into Jerusalem. God knew what was about to happen as did Jesus, yet the plan continued on. Why? For you and me, sinners. Jesus going through the crucifixion was the only way for sinners to gain mercy and grace and forgiveness for our sins. Jesus knew of the suffering He had to go through for us. He also knew it was the only way. In Matthew 26:39 we read: ...he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." The cup is is a symbol of deep sorrow and suffering. Here is refers to his Father's face being turned away from him when he who had no sin was made a sin offering for us.
I thought if God had to suffer as His son was crucified, who was I to ask to be spared grief over my son? Also, if Jesus suffered through the crucifixion so that I, a sinner could be saved, who was I to think I was any better to be spared pain? There is no pain we can ever suffer to compare to the pain and agony Jesus suffered for us! Let me assure you that the pain of losing your child is hurt beyond hurt. It is a deep gut wrenching hurt that comes from down within your very being. It hurts so much that you wish you were dead to stop the pain. Yet, Jesus suffered so much worse! Thank you my sweet Lord, King of Kings for doing this for all of us! We can never thank you enough!
Oh sweet victory! Matthew 28:6 He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee.
Jesus had over come death's grip. Death no longer had a grip on Christians who believe. I believe!
My sweet baby son was swept up by God from my womb as pure a snow and went directly to Heaven where he was held by my sweet Jesus. Death had no grip on my son, thanks be to the resurrection of Christ. How thankful I am! My sweet son is safe!
The night before I went to the hospital to give birth to James Collins, Jr. all I could picture in my mind was Jesus with the little children surrounding Him. I thought to myself in tears, if Jesus loves the little children, then he will spare mine most surely!
Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.
Such as Jesus asked his Father to take this cup from him, I also prayed for my child to be spared so that I could be spared the grief that never ever leaves a parent. You live with it and continue your life, but when you least expect it, grief catches you off guard. God did spare my child from the sufferings of this sinful world. I am honored to have carried not just one angel, but two as my only daughter, Reita Gale, died in my womb, also going straight from her mother's womb to Heaven. She was pure and free from sin as she entered Heaven's gates for Jesus to take her in His loving arms on May 31, 1982. Again, I was not spared grief. I won't begin to say I don't miss my babies every day. I am so hungry to see them and feel them, hold them, cover them with kisses! Patience I have learned as it has been 38 years ago I lost my first son. I am getting closer to seeing my babies again. I know I will have them waiting for me when it is my turn to be called to Heaven. Jesus will be with them! What a great time to look forward to!
Thanks be to God for His Son Jesus Christ, the King of Kings! Thank you for the real Easter!
If you are reading this and have not made your profession of faith to Christ Jesus, I invite you to do so right now, this very minute. Make a decision to receive Christ as your Savior. How? By confessing to God that you are a sinner, and believing that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross and was raised from the dead for your sins. Then say that you now receive and confess Him as your personal Savior.
Romans 10:9 That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
May God bless you and keep you!
HAPPY EASTER!
My precious babies, God has shown you only the love and joys of Heaven where you are safe and have joy! Praise be to God!
happy easter Gale
ReplyDeleteI love this post, Gale. You hit the nail on th head exactly - for me, I was only able to trust God again after my Eve's stillbirth because of the cross. Because God lost - no, GAVE - His son. It doesn't make it any easier...and yet it sort of does, huh?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you haven't had support from your family for your two losses. You can remember any way you choose to. I say get yourself that necklace you've been wanting. It doesn't have to be obvious what it's about, so long as it feels right to you. Big hugs. xoxo