Monday, March 11, 2013

Why Do You Have To Be So Mean?

I saw the movie, Safe Haven, over the weekend.  The girl is trying to escape from abusive behavior her husband inflicts on her.  She runs for her life and sanity with the help of a friend.  She finds her safe haven in a small town far away.  She finds friends and comfort there.  She smiles again and even laughs.  However, she never forgets her abusive situation.  She knows he will find her at any given time.  He does.  With the help of her new network of caring friends she wins.  She faces her husband with bravery as she stands up firmly to him and tells him to go away.  She will not accept his abusiveness anymore.  He doesn't listen and tries to kill her, but he ends up dead.  She is free of him at last.  Life for her continues and thrives in the small town she found.  Her Safe Haven.

Over the past week and a half, I have read many of your blogs, FB comments, and tweets.  I discovered that you were going through tough times with people making unthoughtful comments to you while you were out and about.  Gosh, I could not believe what some people said without thinking first! Some of you got some pretty mean comments from complete strangers!   Then there were others who spoke deliberately.  I had the same thing happen to me during this time.  I kept quiet.  I was processing what had been said to me and comparing it to what you yourselves were coping with.  I was asked to stop talking about my two babies who were stillborn, my balloon project (which I love) and how much I enjoy being able to have people in my babyloss friends to turn to.  It made this person uncomfortable.   They didn't understand baby loss or babyloss groups.  In fact, I was told I was obsessed.  I folded.  I told the person I would never speak of my babies to them again.  You can take it to the bank that I won't either!  At first, I was embarrassed by their comment.  I felt like a fool.  I didn't even tell my husband about it.  After I had cooled off, I told him several days later.  Wow!  He was livid!  I had to keep him from calling this person up. 

So what does this have to do with Nicholas Sparks' movie, Safe Haven?  Everything!  I am going to stay in my safe haven of babyloss moms on twitter,email, blogworld, and facebook.  I am going to keep surrounding myself with people who understand and care.  That is YOU my babyloss friends!  Of course my husband has been absolutely supportive of me, my blog here, and my new blog about my angel baby birthday balloons & releases.  He is so involved and helps me with beach releases.
 This is not an obsession!  This is giving back and helping a mother and father on a difficult day of their lives....remembering their child's birthday in Heaven when they had rather be giving their child a birthday party here!  Once more, it is having someone else remembering your baby with you!  Writing their names in different ways and sending it to you.  It is people making donations for other parents to have knowledge and the items they need when it suddenly and unexpectly happens to them.  We have each other to turn to when we are emotionally and mentally abused by others who say they don't understand.  What is there not  to understand?  We feel just like any other parent.  We have milestones we just have to dream about!  Don't even bother to ask us to forget something so tragic as losing a baby!  I am living proof that come May 2nd it will have been 38 years of living without my firstborn perfect son.  I think of my son every single day.  Also, come May 31st it will have been 31 years of missing my precious daughter.  Who are YOU to tell me not to speak of them?  They are my children!  Just hope & pray that at a second's notice you don't lose your child or grandchild.  Would you not want to speak of them?  Oh, I am just preaching to the choir.  Stay in your uneducated, unfeeling, non-understanding world and never have compassion for a baby that died too soon and its mourning parents.  Done with you already!  I choose to stay with my friends who know about loss and compassion!  We know about giving to others because it means so much to us to receive from each other.  Just a cyber (((hug))) means so much and can make our day.  God made us special mothers who can (albeit painful) know that our baby is with Him.  We do have that one comfort.  The cost is grief. 

Grief....we learn to live with it, but it is always lurking around the corner to beat us down.  It gets to us, but we pick the pieces up and keep going by the grace of God and the blessing of babyloss support groups always waiting to help us on the internet if you aren't lucky enough to have one in your area. 

But those people who are our friends and family that scatter when they see us b/c they think we might say our baby's name....why can't you spare a few minutes to lift someone else up since you have so many hours and days and months and years to spend with your children?

You, with your words like knives and swords........why do you have to be so mean?

Credit given to:
Safe Haven: book by Nicholas Sparks
Last sentence & title by:  Taylor Swift's song, Mean.


  1. Amen!!! There are so many non understanding people out there who don't get it at all. I too am glad to have the safe haven of the baby loss community--I don't know where I would be without people like you who do care and who do get it. ((Hugs)) <3

  2. I am so glad I have you Shauna! Of course, I wish it was under better circumstances. <3