How Can You Miss What Some Say You Never Had?

So many people can't understand how a mother can miss a stillborn baby because in their minds the mother never really had her baby.  She never took baby home, care for it, watch it grow while making memories.  Well folks, that is what we grieve over....the what would have beens, the knowing that most people think our babies didn't count or mean anything.  So much to grieve over!  Yes, I did know my child physically for the 9 months he grew inside of me.  I knew his every kick, movement, favorite positions, when he had the hiccups and when he liked to nap. Do you know the joy you have in picking out clothes, toys,or having parties for your child?  I had those joys too.  I planned and put together a nursery and it was awesome!  I could just imagine how much James Collins, Jr. would enjoy the musical mobile I picked out from Bib & Tucker in Rocky Mount and the cozy quilt my mother-in-law taught me to make.  James and I had fun shopping for little outfits from Dottie Lou's in Wilson.  Talk about parties!  I had baby showers where my son was absolutely showered with everything he could ever need!  I rocked my baby in the rocking chair James had bought for us.  I would come home  from a long day of teaching school, sit down in that rocker, and gently rock my son as I caressed my belly and sang lullabies to him dreaming about our long future together.  It was my favorite time of the day.  Our future was bright and I was giddy with happiness!  Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to face.